How to show love to a family member when they have ticked you off?
Sister Kristy: Okay it’s like this….I can easily picture the scenario of doors slamming and “not so nice” language spewing. Take a breath and remember that your family member will not be with you always. Could you live comfortably with letting the relationship be strained? Or would it be better just to apologize?
Sister Melissa: When you hold a position in a hospital & death is all around you…it tends to put you in another perspective about life & about what’s important. You have a tendency to let the frivolous things go. Whatever, that thing is that provoked you to anger are not the primary thing. Emotions are secondary, but the reason that provoked you to anger is what you should concentrate on. You can have the emotion but try not to focus your attention on it. I’m not saying to ignore what you feel but what I am saying is that you deal with what happened with a balance of soundness of mind & not the way you feel. Yes, people including those closest to you can do things to hurt you or put a strain on any relationship. But you have to decide (without regard to how you feel) to love them despite of their aloof decisions or their wayward ways. Your family that you are angry with for whatever reason can always be solved, but trust me when I tell you the last thing that you remember when you are on your dying bed is what they have done. But how you much you love them & how much they love you, the best way that they knew how, or vice versa. Remember, to make lasting memories & to LOVE your brother, sister, parents & family because in the end that is what will count.
Why should you apologize?
Sister Kristy: Well maybe not exactly apologize…but definitely take stock on your involvement in the scenario. Could you have been nicer in your approach to talk to the loved one? What type of tone did you use while speaking? Were you condescending? Did the person feel worse off as a result of talking to you?
Sister Melissa: Great point of view, sis. Apologizing when you believe you are wrong is important in being humble. Pride is not the answer to a healthy sibling bond or to cultivate any relationship. I have apologized when I believed I was wrong & even when I believe that I wasn’t. As for me, I have decided that I don’t care to be right or wrong. I care to have a loving, fun, unbreakable bond with my sister, period. I love my sister & if apologizing to her will help show her that then that’s easy. Now don’t get me wrong my sister & I have heated conversations sometimes where we both let the other know how each other feel. Apologizing doesn’t make you soft, but it does show your maturity, not only in your relationship as siblings but also how you handle yourself in other relationships.
Do I communicate effectively?
Sister Kristy: not always for sure! When I am angry, watch out...many things can happen. That is why this topic is something I can relate to. I have learned that my family and I have vastly different ways of communicating. We get farther in a conversation when we consciously use that persons “language “so to speak. It’s like talking to a one year old about sharing. They don’t get it….but they do get or understand a hug or a smile.
If you see that repeating yourself over and over is not working, there is a reason it is not working. Try a different method or style of communicating using illustrations that they can identify with.
Sister Melissa: Sometimes I can approve on my approach or delivery to my sister or anyone for that matter, & sometimes it’s exhausting trying to get your point across. But I push through being uncomfortable. i.e. you come from corporate, he/she come from being an instructor…It’s like you are speaking 2 different languages but that is the beauty of it. We are all different. When I successfully get my point across I feel empowered & it gives me confidence even in the times when I ruffle a little feathers.
This blog is a discussion between 2 sister's Kristy & Melissa. We just want to share our thoughts of life, love & being sister's.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
SISTERHOOD
Hey guys I’m Melissa Magazine the elder of the “2 Sister’s”. Here is what I believe that God has established the order of family. In that family He has parents & children, (siblings). Siblings are the part of the “order” that we would like to concentrate on. To me this is the first practice of communication. The family you’re born into serves a purpose & we can’t serve that purpose when we are disconnected or in discord. If that line of communication is broken then it infiltrates into all of our other relationships in every area.
I believe that my sister & I have a bond that goes beyond the natural realm of things. Here are the reasons why I believe that we are so connected. I do believe that the foundation of it all is because of my mom & how she raised us. My mother always told us that all we have is each other, especially when our parents are gone. She told us that from knee high. We were never allowed to badmouth each other or anyone for that matter or pass licks. I remember hearing my mother praying that we would be close. On our birthdays our parents would always give the other one a present as well. We could never go anywhere without the other, of course that was sometimes a pain & embarrassing but now I understand. Our parents ALWAYS supported us no matter how big or ridiculous our dreams were. They NEVER showed any favoritism at all!!
In this blog you will clearly see how different my sister and I are & how close we are as well. We hope to share our knowledge, experiences, & our love for our relationship with the world in hopes that it will help to strengthen the sibling bond.
Sister Kristy
Hey guys I am the younger sister, of “2 Sisters”. On many things I have followed my sister’s lead. She suggested we start a blog and I said okay. It’s really that simple. We are very close. So close that we are often asked if we are twins. But that was not always the case. We actually disagree on a plethora of subjects even what it means to be a sister. So we decided to post our discussion about the subject of “sisterhood”.
1. What does being a sister mean to me?
Sister Kristy: besides the obvious of being born or adopted into a family and being a sister by default….. being a sister means having support. You are able to share ideas, heartaches, pains and triumphs without judgment.
Sister Melissa: I believe that sister’s trust one another & that they share secrets that stay between them. We support each other endeavors. I also believe that we are supposed to see their potential even when they don’t & encourage them to be their best.
2. How do you not past judgment on your sister?
Sister Kristy: well this can be difficult as first. Because it can be hard to live with someone and see their faults yet not judge them. The key is to put yourself in their shoes in order to identify with their present circumstances.
Sister Melissa: I believe that’s easy for me. I totally remember me & who I am & how I make mistakes. The thing about me is that I am protective, so that kind of spills over into my relationships. My sister may take my protectiveness sometimes for judgment, but I’m truly trying to protect her. I don’t want her to make the same mistakes I made.
3. How to support your sister even though you do not agree with her choices?
Sister Kristy: I have rarely agreed with the choices that my sister has made since I was sixteen. However, I knew she needed my support on those issues. The key to remember here is that support does not mean agree. They are two different things. You can support an idea or action from the sidelines while helping your sister through a situation.
Sister Melissa: I totally concur with my sister that it is truly about support, you do not have to agree. I do think that you should share your opinion if you believe that the decision will harm them. But sometimes you have to know the language of silence, which can be difficult when you think your loved one is about to fall. Do not give the, “I told you speech” & just be there.
4. How can you become closer to your sister whom is completely different from you?
Sister Kristy: I totally get you out there whom is having this issue. My sister interest’s have always been completely left field of my interest. So I just made an effort to spend time doing the things she liked. For example as a teenager I traveled with her to modeling gigs. I had no interest on what color eye shadow matched her designer digs, but did have a very big interest on helping her become as stress free as possible while she found the perfect eye shadow.
Sister Melissa: For me, I like variety. I like differences. My sister being different from me is no different then being from different cultures or nationalities. My sister may not know this but her being different taught me a lot of things, things I would have never known I liked if it wasn’t for her & her friends. I like learning & I enjoy making memories with my sister doing some of the activities that my sister enjoys.
5. How can you become closer to your sister whom you don’t even like?
Sister Kristy: I felt like Melissa did not like me for the longest time. She went through that whole I’m a grown woman now that I’m seventeen phase. Yes Seventeen not eighteen. So my solution was to make a CHOICE to like her first. I went to visit her in college. I talked to her about her favorite subjects. We went on movie dates. But more importantly, I started to share things with her that was precious to me and confidential. I gave her a chance to prove that I could trust her. I opened myself up to a relationship with her.
Sister Melissa: Just for the record there was never a time where I didn’t like my sister. Actually, I thought she didn’t like me during a period of my life when I felt like I was at rock bottom. I was finding my way back to God & I may not have handled things as best I should. I think she didn’t know how to handle me & because of where I was mentally my perception was off. You push through what you think & what you feel & communicate your feelings no matter how much it hurts. You tell each other the truth at all times & trust me prayer works!
I believe that my sister & I have a bond that goes beyond the natural realm of things. Here are the reasons why I believe that we are so connected. I do believe that the foundation of it all is because of my mom & how she raised us. My mother always told us that all we have is each other, especially when our parents are gone. She told us that from knee high. We were never allowed to badmouth each other or anyone for that matter or pass licks. I remember hearing my mother praying that we would be close. On our birthdays our parents would always give the other one a present as well. We could never go anywhere without the other, of course that was sometimes a pain & embarrassing but now I understand. Our parents ALWAYS supported us no matter how big or ridiculous our dreams were. They NEVER showed any favoritism at all!!
In this blog you will clearly see how different my sister and I are & how close we are as well. We hope to share our knowledge, experiences, & our love for our relationship with the world in hopes that it will help to strengthen the sibling bond.
Sister Kristy
Hey guys I am the younger sister, of “2 Sisters”. On many things I have followed my sister’s lead. She suggested we start a blog and I said okay. It’s really that simple. We are very close. So close that we are often asked if we are twins. But that was not always the case. We actually disagree on a plethora of subjects even what it means to be a sister. So we decided to post our discussion about the subject of “sisterhood”.
1. What does being a sister mean to me?
Sister Kristy: besides the obvious of being born or adopted into a family and being a sister by default….. being a sister means having support. You are able to share ideas, heartaches, pains and triumphs without judgment.
Sister Melissa: I believe that sister’s trust one another & that they share secrets that stay between them. We support each other endeavors. I also believe that we are supposed to see their potential even when they don’t & encourage them to be their best.
2. How do you not past judgment on your sister?
Sister Kristy: well this can be difficult as first. Because it can be hard to live with someone and see their faults yet not judge them. The key is to put yourself in their shoes in order to identify with their present circumstances.
Sister Melissa: I believe that’s easy for me. I totally remember me & who I am & how I make mistakes. The thing about me is that I am protective, so that kind of spills over into my relationships. My sister may take my protectiveness sometimes for judgment, but I’m truly trying to protect her. I don’t want her to make the same mistakes I made.
3. How to support your sister even though you do not agree with her choices?
Sister Kristy: I have rarely agreed with the choices that my sister has made since I was sixteen. However, I knew she needed my support on those issues. The key to remember here is that support does not mean agree. They are two different things. You can support an idea or action from the sidelines while helping your sister through a situation.
Sister Melissa: I totally concur with my sister that it is truly about support, you do not have to agree. I do think that you should share your opinion if you believe that the decision will harm them. But sometimes you have to know the language of silence, which can be difficult when you think your loved one is about to fall. Do not give the, “I told you speech” & just be there.
4. How can you become closer to your sister whom is completely different from you?
Sister Kristy: I totally get you out there whom is having this issue. My sister interest’s have always been completely left field of my interest. So I just made an effort to spend time doing the things she liked. For example as a teenager I traveled with her to modeling gigs. I had no interest on what color eye shadow matched her designer digs, but did have a very big interest on helping her become as stress free as possible while she found the perfect eye shadow.
Sister Melissa: For me, I like variety. I like differences. My sister being different from me is no different then being from different cultures or nationalities. My sister may not know this but her being different taught me a lot of things, things I would have never known I liked if it wasn’t for her & her friends. I like learning & I enjoy making memories with my sister doing some of the activities that my sister enjoys.
5. How can you become closer to your sister whom you don’t even like?
Sister Kristy: I felt like Melissa did not like me for the longest time. She went through that whole I’m a grown woman now that I’m seventeen phase. Yes Seventeen not eighteen. So my solution was to make a CHOICE to like her first. I went to visit her in college. I talked to her about her favorite subjects. We went on movie dates. But more importantly, I started to share things with her that was precious to me and confidential. I gave her a chance to prove that I could trust her. I opened myself up to a relationship with her.
Sister Melissa: Just for the record there was never a time where I didn’t like my sister. Actually, I thought she didn’t like me during a period of my life when I felt like I was at rock bottom. I was finding my way back to God & I may not have handled things as best I should. I think she didn’t know how to handle me & because of where I was mentally my perception was off. You push through what you think & what you feel & communicate your feelings no matter how much it hurts. You tell each other the truth at all times & trust me prayer works!
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