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Saturday, November 13, 2010

RAINBOW

Recently I watched the movie For Colored Girls. I personally like the movie and here’s why;


First of all it’s artistic and unusual. I haven’t seen a movie with poetry being its main focus that has the ability to exhibit strong content in resemblance to everyday life. I believe that Tyler Perry done an excellent job on scripting and directing a book of poetry into film. The movie was based off of the book, “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Good Enuf: A Chorepoem” by Ntozake Shange. Secondly, I love the way he introduced several people’s journey and connected them while revealing some hidden issues not just for African American women but people in general. The actors and actresses were phenomenal in portraying each character on film. You believed them. I don’t care who you are and where you come from…you will see yourself directly or indirectly in this film. Also, Black Girls Rock, a production aired on BET that was well put together. It focused on positivity and the acknowledgment of African American women who leads by example…that has successfully pioneered their role or place in whatever industry they reign in. I really appreciate Beverly Bond for the vision of orchestrating this first televised production.

It’s important to see people go through some dire circumstances, to see that they wanted to give up on life and STILL push their way through. Their story is your story. You are a living autobiography. Every detail, every word spoken or unspoken is your resonating template for someone else to follow. Please understand that you could be someone else’s answer. Life is a gift. I pray that you all cherish it and take it seriously. I hope you all choose to live and let the unspoken works of your life be an example of inspiration and strength that will breathe life for someone else.

If you need help don’t be afraid to seek it. Your life is worth living and YOU ARE VALUABLE. Here’s a link: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ and a national hotline number: 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you.

• Call for yourself or someone you care about

• Free and confidential

• A network of more than 140 crisis centers nationwide

• Available 24/7

Red Nacional de Prevención del Suicidio

Cuando usted llama al número 1-888-628-9454, su llamada se dirige al centro de ayuda de nuestra red disponible más cercano. Cuando el centro contesta su llamada, usted estará hablando con una persona que le escuchará, le hará preguntas y hará todo lo que esté a su alcance para ayudarlo. Para información en español haga clic aquí.

For Hearing and Speech Impaired with TTY Equipment: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)

Monday, October 25, 2010

Infidelity Q & A

Hello guys we told you that we would answer those questions from our previous blog, InfidelityHere are the Q's:  Would you ever tell your sibling's spouse that you knew that your sibling cheated in their marriage?  Would you lie if they asked you? Why & Why not ?
  
Our answers are below. Feel free to give your opinion on the questions and post your comments. Let us know how you feel about the subject.
 
Sister Kristy: I would not volunteer the answer to my sister's spouse. I would evade the question if directly asked. I do not feel it would be my place to tell such loaded information. I would leave it up to my "cheating sister" to come clean to her husband.
  
Sister Melissa: I agree with my sister.  I would not volunteer any information.  If I was asked I would simply tell him to ask his wife.
Would your opinion of your sibling change if you knew they slept with someone married? 
 
Sister Kristy: My opinion would not change of my sister. I would be disappointed in her. But it is no different from other times in which she did something that I did not approve of. 
 
 
Sister Melissa: My opinion wouldn't change but she would definitely know how I felt about it.  It's not my place to judge her & she knows right from wrong.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

INFIDELITY....THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY

SISTER KRISTY: Okay, so I was encouraged to blog about a situation I found myself in recently. I’m going to keep it short & sweet. I found myself attracted to a married man. He would flirt with me, but it was very subtle. It wasn’t something that was vulgar or outright disrespectful. He would say normal conversational pieces like, “how was your day “, “I like your outfit “or “you have beautiful skin “. But this was not the real issue. The issue was the way he looked at me while he said it. It wasn’t a leer it was a look of appreciation that one gives to another when they find them attractive. So Even though on paper it was all innocent interactions, I found myself thinking about this dude and wanting to be in his company. He’s charming, charismatic, and funny with a hint of danger. That was when I drew up the red flag. I have been approached by married men before, but I have never been attracted to one nor have I ever hesitated to send them packing. I could not understand why I was even thinking about this man and craving more conversations with him like: politics, health, music, movies whatever, all very short conversations but obviously enough for me to get caught up mentally. So the next time we came into contact with each other I pulled him to the side & stated that it was clear that we were attracted to one another. I asked that we respectively stop flirting with each other because he was not available to flirt as a married man. Now once again nothing we talked about could have been noted as flirting but I KNEW that was what it was because of the way I felt when I talked to him and the way he looked at me while we talked. I started to agonize over what I couldn’t prove to be flirting but…it all felt very wrong and dirty and secretive. There was a magnetic pull between us with simple greetings like “hello, how are you? “ Never did he ask me out, never did I offer him any type of affection but it still felt wrong. So I chose to have the conversation and asked respectively that we stopped flirting. He said that he would & asked what would my actions be? I told him that I would also. Although neither one of us knew exactly what we would be stopping per say because it was all surface conversation, but whatever unspoken thing we were doing to one another we agreed to stop.

       After that pivotal conversation, I had to give him one more pep talk, in which I laid down rules of communication of things he could not say to me. If he couldn’t adhere, I told him that there would be a seen caused and that it would lead to violence. At this point after talking to him and sharing the blame of our flirting and he still didn’t get it I got angry that I allowed myself to even be in this position. That next time he said something to me that I deemed inappropriate “good morning” with that look, I was prepared to fight. I never thought I would be attracted to a married man let alone desire to spend time with him. I actually entertained the thought of a kiss, touch, phone conversation, or an outing with a MARRIED MAN. It was definitely a learning experience. I thought it couldn’t happen to me but it did. I entertained way more mentally in the situation that I ever thought I was capable of.
       The only thing that saved me was praying to God about my thoughts and what I was tempted to do. I know what the bible says on this issue it is very clear. Imagining yourself with someone else is the same as being with that person in reality. I refused to have that on my account. That is not something that I want Jesus to ask me about when I get to heaven. Desiring a married man, No, I think not.

SISTER MELISSA: I know that my sister only entertained thoughts & flirted but I’m taking it all the way to what the outcome will be if not interrupted. We have all found ourselves thinking or doing something that we know in our hearts is wrong. You know we all have our different paths to complete, our destiny or journey, but we ALL have a sense of what is Right & what is Wrong. People do what they want & don’t take into account the whole picture. Yes, it is the individual choice, but it affects more than just you. When you decided to marry then YOU decide to uphold, you decide to include YOUR whole family when you make your choice for temporary pleasure. Temporary, surely will not keep you when the final outcome of your temporary insanity of lust cause you a permanent outcome. We are the choices that we make. Yes, we make wrong decisions. We make hard one sometimes. I think we would do better when we know better & we know better if we know who we are. Ladies, you are not desperate. You don’t have to share. Respect yourselves & demand respect. How would you feel if someone knew that was your husband & still didn’t care? How would you feel? Men, how would you feel? It can be difficult but it’s not impossible to walk away. I encouraged my sister to tell her story because I’m tired of all the fakeness & people who act like they don’t make mistakes. I’m glad she confronted & admitted her part in this because it was not all just him. I am proud of her for walking away. I can see how it can be easy for this to happen. Women, who see an attractive man or vice versa, instead of IMMEDIATELY stopping the thoughts allow those thoughts to continue, will find themselves in the same situation. My pastor says, “thoughts become things if not interrupted.” This is one thing I truly do not play with….I’m not putting myself above this at all but I don’t allow married men to come on to me. I don’t allow myself to come on to them. I don’t care how fine they are. I continue to think about when I am married & how I don’t want to do anything for it to come back to me. Think about it.

So here are the questions that my sister & I will answer next on this topic:
Would you ever tell your sibling spouse if you knew that your sibling cheated?  Would you lie if they asked you? Why & Why not
Would your opinion of your sibling change if you knew they slept with someone married?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

STUDENT LOAN DEBT

KRISTY: So it’s been seven years since I graduated from college. Why have I not made a noticeable dent in my debt you ask? I am asking myself the same question. Could it be that I went into the education field. We all know that America does not pay its teachers well. But still there are thousands of women with children to feed making less money than I do and are able to have a positive cash flow……so what is the problem? I have some theories ….of conspiracies…..unfair loan policies…..credit card pushers……yet none of these are anything but excuses I could use. At the end of the day when I’m sitting at a table with bills in front of me from fine institutions across the nation it only reads one name responsible for the debt. MINE. So let’s do it people. It’s time to take it seriously because obviously it is not going to disappear or be “forgiven” quick enough through service work *** this is where you work for a public company or in a service field like a police officer in exchange for your loan to decrease saaaay 2% a year***  Well that’s worked out so well for me that I don’t see a shred of difference in the big number to the right of the page. That’s just my five-minute take. What is yours?

MELISSA: Well, my advice is to look at the fine print. When I went to school I thought that I had only ONE loan. So when I paid off what I thought was my student loan & applied to another school, I found that I had a student loan that was in default that I had no CLUE I had. It was given to me by Rutgers. Imagine my surprise! I didn’t know the intricacies of federal loans vs. private institution loans, program loans, blah, blah, blah. Bottom line, know what you are getting into. Don’t be in a rush to sign paperwork just to get money to get into school, pay rent, pay for this & pay for that & then when you graduate you are already beginning with a negative balance. Some of you are professional students just going to school getting all the funds you can just because you can. Not realizing this short-term fix will be there in your future waiting on you as life happens. For example: rent, car payments, insurance, children, mortgage, etc. It is sometimes necessary for you to take out loans, I’m not saying don’t but what I am saying, is be careful & well-informed about the choices you are making because it will affect you & your credit in the long run.

Monday, August 30, 2010

DEATH

Sister Kristy: When somebody dies it takes a toll on you. When you thought that person still had time with you. Unexpected death is hard to handle, no warnings or signals to interpret. Or maybe there were signs there that you chose to ignore…..like many trips to the doctor or emergency room. But they always left with a clean bill of health, only to lose the fight shortly thereafter. One thing I have come to know is that all of this could be made worse without the support of others. No support from those closest to you. No well wishes. Just comments about how you should have or could have seen death approaching. When you share your heart with a loved one no matter how sick they are or how near to death they are…..you don’t ever want to believe that they are slipping away. No matter how many “signs” comes your way. No matter how many “he or she lived a good life” you get. In the end none of it helps.


Crying, fading memories of your life together all take place immediately. Supporting you ……sheltering you…..you who carried me through boyfriends, states, heartache, and homelessness….solid as a rock you were to me. I’ll miss the gift you were to me. Gone you are to me. Cherished you will be to me. Love you always. My baby……..      ©2010 Kristy Magazine

Sister Melissa: Dealing with death is hard no matter how old you are. There are no special ways to deal with death even though it’s a natural part of our life. The only advice that I can offer is knowing yourself help you to deal with death and how you handle it, but know that everyone deals with this differently. It helps to know the person that you are dealing with because then you can better serve their needs. When someone loses someone, especially unexpectantly, remember you are there to serve them to the best of your ability but according to what THEY need, not what you think is best.  Be sensitive to them just as you would want someone to be sensitive and conscious of you and your loss. Words sometimes are not enough. Sometimes the language of silence speaks volumes, or your presence brings them comfort that says enough.

Monday, August 23, 2010

TO HAVE OR HAVE NOT...

Sister Kristy: This is quite a loaded question... Well there are many schools of thought on this issue. Sometimes I am all for having sex, because it's what my body wants, while other times I see the wisdom of withholding.  Sex can be an intense emotional roller coaster.  One should consider the consequences of having sex.  What would be the end result of giving it up? …. a call back…a cold shoulder…..or commitment?  How would you deal with a cold shoulder or no returned phone call?  Are you ready for a commitment?  You know the kind that you would have to carry for nine months and in eighteen years send off to college?


Sister Melissa: Interesting....even the title.  I understand that once you have sex it's hard to fight the temptation NOT to have it.  The bottom line is this: Your beliefs, Your morals, Your faith.  It's your respect for & of yourself.  We all know or have some knowledge of  "we are to wait until we get married." People can preach all day long but it becomes your responsibility of you.  Naturally, sex has alot of consequences emotionally & physically...Spiritually, it ties you to the one you give yourself to & ALL the other people they have given themselves to.  Spiritually, the consequences are soo much more detrimental to your health, wealth... your LIFE!   

Friday, August 6, 2010

DEBT

KRISTY: Today I would like to discuss debt. Mainly because it woke me at 5:48 am. When I opened my eyes this morning, I didn’t think about walking the dog, making breakfast, or working out. NO, my focus was how much money I owed others. How sad is that. I feel like a slave or at least an indentured servant. Indentured servant fits best since I am working to pay off these debts. But ten years later has not produced a debt free woman. For years I have heard that “the borrower is slave to the lender “ Where did I come across this information. Only the best selling book of all time….The Bible. The sad thing is I’m just starting to believe it. I feel like it is a weight that can’t be shaken off. Like a bad decision (student loans) gone terribly wrong. Will I be rescued from this financial hell? And if so rescued by whom? a high salary job, an entrepreneur leap of faith, a billionaire trying to right his wrongs ? I don’t know. What I do know is that I want this to be the last morning I wake up with prison chains wrapped around my mind……


MELISSA: You know sis....I'm just gonna let this marinate.  I'll come back because there is too much to say about this.  We are at 2 different places in life...so when I speak I want to give some suggestions.  I'll be back....

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

What to do when a loved one has disappointed you?

Kristy: Well., this can be a tough one for sure. The first thing that I do is take a deep breath. Yes I know it sounds like I’m preparing you for your next yoga class. But seriously a good deep breath allows you to focus on the words you desire to say as oppose to the emotions and unkind phrases that you want to hurl at whomever “ dared “ to disappoint you. Ask yourself…” Who have I disappointed, and how did that make them feel ?


Melissa: Interesting…always thinking about the other person helps me to put it into perspective, but I honestly have to work through a process. I also remember I disappoint as well. I, literally have to ask the Lord to help me. I have been disappointed A LOT in my life & I have learned that I can’t put my hope in people or expect them to do what I think that they should do. God is the only one who doesn’t lie or change. I know it’s cliché, but it’s soo true! I know we are human, we make mistakes & we have the best intentions but like I said, I have learned….”In God I trust everyone else…well….”

WE'RE BACK!

I know we have been away for a bit but we are back!

Friday, May 21, 2010

LOVE

How to show love to a family member when they have ticked you off?

Sister Kristy: Okay it’s like this….I can easily picture the scenario of doors slamming and “not so nice” language spewing. Take a breath and remember that your family member will not be with you always. Could you live comfortably with letting the relationship be strained? Or would it be better just to apologize?

Sister Melissa: When you hold a position in a hospital & death is all around you…it tends to put you in another perspective about life & about what’s important. You have a tendency to let the frivolous things go. Whatever, that thing is that provoked you to anger are not the primary thing. Emotions are secondary, but the reason that provoked you to anger is what you should concentrate on. You can have the emotion but try not to focus your attention on it. I’m not saying to ignore what you feel but what I am saying is that you deal with what happened with a balance of soundness of mind & not the way you feel. Yes, people including those closest to you can do things to hurt you or put a strain on any relationship. But you have to decide (without regard to how you feel) to love them despite of their aloof decisions or their wayward ways. Your family that you are angry with for whatever reason can always be solved, but trust me when I tell you the last thing that you remember when you are on your dying bed is what they have done. But how you much you love them & how much they love you, the best way that they knew how, or vice versa. Remember, to make lasting memories & to LOVE your brother, sister, parents & family because in the end that is what will count.

Why should you apologize?

Sister Kristy: Well maybe not exactly apologize…but definitely take stock on your involvement in the scenario. Could you have been nicer in your approach to talk to the loved one? What type of tone did you use while speaking? Were you condescending? Did the person feel worse off as a result of talking to you?

Sister Melissa: Great point of view, sis. Apologizing when you believe you are wrong is important in being humble. Pride is not the answer to a healthy sibling bond or to cultivate any relationship. I have apologized when I believed I was wrong & even when I believe that I wasn’t. As for me, I have decided that I don’t care to be right or wrong. I care to have a loving, fun, unbreakable bond with my sister, period. I love my sister & if apologizing to her will help show her that then that’s easy. Now don’t get me wrong my sister & I have heated conversations sometimes where we both let the other know how each other feel. Apologizing doesn’t make you soft, but it does show your maturity, not only in your relationship as siblings but also how you handle yourself in other relationships.

Do I communicate effectively?

Sister Kristy: not always for sure! When I am angry, watch out...many things can happen. That is why this topic is something I can relate to. I have learned that my family and I have vastly different ways of communicating. We get farther in a conversation when we consciously use that persons “language “so to speak. It’s like talking to a one year old about sharing. They don’t get it….but they do get or understand a hug or a smile.

If you see that repeating yourself over and over is not working, there is a reason it is not working. Try a different method or style of communicating using illustrations that they can identify with.

Sister Melissa: Sometimes I can approve on my approach or delivery to my sister or anyone for that matter, & sometimes it’s exhausting trying to get your point across. But I push through being uncomfortable. i.e. you come from corporate, he/she come from being an instructor…It’s like you are speaking 2 different languages but that is the beauty of it. We are all different. When I successfully get my point across I feel empowered & it gives me confidence even in the times when I ruffle a little feathers.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

SISTERHOOD

Hey guys I’m Melissa Magazine the elder of the “2 Sister’s”. Here is what I believe that God has established the order of family. In that family He has parents & children, (siblings). Siblings are the part of the “order” that we would like to concentrate on. To me this is the first practice of communication. The family you’re born into serves a purpose & we can’t serve that purpose when we are disconnected or in discord. If that line of communication is broken then it infiltrates into all of our other relationships in every area.

I believe that my sister & I have a bond that goes beyond the natural realm of things. Here are the reasons why I believe that we are so connected. I do believe that the foundation of it all is because of my mom & how she raised us. My mother always told us that all we have is each other, especially when our parents are gone. She told us that from knee high. We were never allowed to badmouth each other or anyone for that matter or pass licks. I remember hearing my mother praying that we would be close. On our birthdays our parents would always give the other one a present as well. We could never go anywhere without the other, of course that was sometimes a pain & embarrassing but now I understand. Our parents ALWAYS supported us no matter how big or ridiculous our dreams were. They NEVER showed any favoritism at all!!


In this blog you will clearly see how different my sister and I are & how close we are as well. We hope to share our knowledge, experiences, & our love for our relationship with the world in hopes that it will help to strengthen the sibling bond.


Sister Kristy


Hey guys I am the younger sister, of “2 Sisters”. On many things I have followed my sister’s lead. She suggested we start a blog and I said okay. It’s really that simple. We are very close. So close that we are often asked if we are twins. But that was not always the case. We actually disagree on a plethora of subjects even what it means to be a sister. So we decided to post our discussion about the subject of “sisterhood”.


1. What does being a sister mean to me?


Sister Kristy: besides the obvious of being born or adopted into a family and being a sister by default….. being a sister means having support. You are able to share ideas, heartaches, pains and triumphs without judgment.


Sister Melissa: I believe that sister’s trust one another & that they share secrets that stay between them. We support each other endeavors. I also believe that we are supposed to see their potential even when they don’t & encourage them to be their best.


2. How do you not past judgment on your sister?


Sister Kristy: well this can be difficult as first. Because it can be hard to live with someone and see their faults yet not judge them. The key is to put yourself in their shoes in order to identify with their present circumstances.


Sister Melissa: I believe that’s easy for me. I totally remember me & who I am & how I make mistakes. The thing about me is that I am protective, so that kind of spills over into my relationships. My sister may take my protectiveness sometimes for judgment, but I’m truly trying to protect her. I don’t want her to make the same mistakes I made.


3. How to support your sister even though you do not agree with her choices?


Sister Kristy: I have rarely agreed with the choices that my sister has made since I was sixteen. However, I knew she needed my support on those issues. The key to remember here is that support does not mean agree. They are two different things. You can support an idea or action from the sidelines while helping your sister through a situation.


Sister Melissa: I totally concur with my sister that it is truly about support, you do not have to agree. I do think that you should share your opinion if you believe that the decision will harm them. But sometimes you have to know the language of silence, which can be difficult when you think your loved one is about to fall. Do not give the, “I told you speech” & just be there.


4. How can you become closer to your sister whom is completely different from you?


Sister Kristy: I totally get you out there whom is having this issue. My sister interest’s have always been completely left field of my interest. So I just made an effort to spend time doing the things she liked. For example as a teenager I traveled with her to modeling gigs. I had no interest on what color eye shadow matched her designer digs, but did have a very big interest on helping her become as stress free as possible while she found the perfect eye shadow.


Sister Melissa: For me, I like variety. I like differences. My sister being different from me is no different then being from different cultures or nationalities. My sister may not know this but her being different taught me a lot of things, things I would have never known I liked if it wasn’t for her & her friends. I like learning & I enjoy making memories with my sister doing some of the activities that my sister enjoys.


5. How can you become closer to your sister whom you don’t even like?


Sister Kristy: I felt like Melissa did not like me for the longest time. She went through that whole I’m a grown woman now that I’m seventeen phase. Yes Seventeen not eighteen. So my solution was to make a CHOICE to like her first. I went to visit her in college. I talked to her about her favorite subjects. We went on movie dates. But more importantly, I started to share things with her that was precious to me and confidential. I gave her a chance to prove that I could trust her. I opened myself up to a relationship with her.


Sister Melissa: Just for the record there was never a time where I didn’t like my sister. Actually, I thought she didn’t like me during a period of my life when I felt like I was at rock bottom. I was finding my way back to God & I may not have handled things as best I should. I think she didn’t know how to handle me & because of where I was mentally my perception was off. You push through what you think & what you feel & communicate your feelings no matter how much it hurts. You tell each other the truth at all times & trust me prayer works!