SISTER KRISTY: Okay, so I was encouraged to blog about a situation I found myself in recently. I’m going to keep it short & sweet. I found myself attracted to a married man. He would flirt with me, but it was very subtle. It wasn’t something that was vulgar or outright disrespectful. He would say normal conversational pieces like, “how was your day “, “I like your outfit “or “you have beautiful skin “. But this was not the real issue. The issue was the way he looked at me while he said it. It wasn’t a leer it was a look of appreciation that one gives to another when they find them attractive. So Even though on paper it was all innocent interactions, I found myself thinking about this dude and wanting to be in his company. He’s charming, charismatic, and funny with a hint of danger. That was when I drew up the red flag. I have been approached by married men before, but I have never been attracted to one nor have I ever hesitated to send them packing. I could not understand why I was even thinking about this man and craving more conversations with him like: politics, health, music, movies whatever, all very short conversations but obviously enough for me to get caught up mentally. So the next time we came into contact with each other I pulled him to the side & stated that it was clear that we were attracted to one another. I asked that we respectively stop flirting with each other because he was not available to flirt as a married man. Now once again nothing we talked about could have been noted as flirting but I KNEW that was what it was because of the way I felt when I talked to him and the way he looked at me while we talked. I started to agonize over what I couldn’t prove to be flirting but…it all felt very wrong and dirty and secretive. There was a magnetic pull between us with simple greetings like “hello, how are you? “ Never did he ask me out, never did I offer him any type of affection but it still felt wrong. So I chose to have the conversation and asked respectively that we stopped flirting. He said that he would & asked what would my actions be? I told him that I would also. Although neither one of us knew exactly what we would be stopping per say because it was all surface conversation, but whatever unspoken thing we were doing to one another we agreed to stop.
After that pivotal conversation, I had to give him one more pep talk, in which I laid down rules of communication of things he could not say to me. If he couldn’t adhere, I told him that there would be a seen caused and that it would lead to violence. At this point after talking to him and sharing the blame of our flirting and he still didn’t get it I got angry that I allowed myself to even be in this position. That next time he said something to me that I deemed inappropriate “good morning” with that look, I was prepared to fight. I never thought I would be attracted to a married man let alone desire to spend time with him. I actually entertained the thought of a kiss, touch, phone conversation, or an outing with a MARRIED MAN. It was definitely a learning experience. I thought it couldn’t happen to me but it did. I entertained way more mentally in the situation that I ever thought I was capable of.
The only thing that saved me was praying to God about my thoughts and what I was tempted to do. I know what the bible says on this issue it is very clear. Imagining yourself with someone else is the same as being with that person in reality. I refused to have that on my account. That is not something that I want Jesus to ask me about when I get to heaven. Desiring a married man, No, I think not.
SISTER MELISSA: I know that my sister only entertained thoughts & flirted but I’m taking it all the way to what the outcome will be if not interrupted. We have all found ourselves thinking or doing something that we know in our hearts is wrong. You know we all have our different paths to complete, our destiny or journey, but we ALL have a sense of what is Right & what is Wrong. People do what they want & don’t take into account the whole picture. Yes, it is the individual choice, but it affects more than just you. When you decided to marry then YOU decide to uphold, you decide to include YOUR whole family when you make your choice for temporary pleasure. Temporary, surely will not keep you when the final outcome of your temporary insanity of lust cause you a permanent outcome. We are the choices that we make. Yes, we make wrong decisions. We make hard one sometimes. I think we would do better when we know better & we know better if we know who we are. Ladies, you are not desperate. You don’t have to share. Respect yourselves & demand respect. How would you feel if someone knew that was your husband & still didn’t care? How would you feel? Men, how would you feel? It can be difficult but it’s not impossible to walk away. I encouraged my sister to tell her story because I’m tired of all the fakeness & people who act like they don’t make mistakes. I’m glad she confronted & admitted her part in this because it was not all just him. I am proud of her for walking away. I can see how it can be easy for this to happen. Women, who see an attractive man or vice versa, instead of IMMEDIATELY stopping the thoughts allow those thoughts to continue, will find themselves in the same situation. My pastor says, “thoughts become things if not interrupted.” This is one thing I truly do not play with….I’m not putting myself above this at all but I don’t allow married men to come on to me. I don’t allow myself to come on to them. I don’t care how fine they are. I continue to think about when I am married & how I don’t want to do anything for it to come back to me. Think about it.
So here are the questions that my sister & I will answer next on this topic:
Would you ever tell your sibling spouse if you knew that your sibling cheated? Would you lie if they asked you? Why & Why not
Would your opinion of your sibling change if you knew they slept with someone married?