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Friday, May 21, 2010

LOVE

How to show love to a family member when they have ticked you off?

Sister Kristy: Okay it’s like this….I can easily picture the scenario of doors slamming and “not so nice” language spewing. Take a breath and remember that your family member will not be with you always. Could you live comfortably with letting the relationship be strained? Or would it be better just to apologize?

Sister Melissa: When you hold a position in a hospital & death is all around you…it tends to put you in another perspective about life & about what’s important. You have a tendency to let the frivolous things go. Whatever, that thing is that provoked you to anger are not the primary thing. Emotions are secondary, but the reason that provoked you to anger is what you should concentrate on. You can have the emotion but try not to focus your attention on it. I’m not saying to ignore what you feel but what I am saying is that you deal with what happened with a balance of soundness of mind & not the way you feel. Yes, people including those closest to you can do things to hurt you or put a strain on any relationship. But you have to decide (without regard to how you feel) to love them despite of their aloof decisions or their wayward ways. Your family that you are angry with for whatever reason can always be solved, but trust me when I tell you the last thing that you remember when you are on your dying bed is what they have done. But how you much you love them & how much they love you, the best way that they knew how, or vice versa. Remember, to make lasting memories & to LOVE your brother, sister, parents & family because in the end that is what will count.

Why should you apologize?

Sister Kristy: Well maybe not exactly apologize…but definitely take stock on your involvement in the scenario. Could you have been nicer in your approach to talk to the loved one? What type of tone did you use while speaking? Were you condescending? Did the person feel worse off as a result of talking to you?

Sister Melissa: Great point of view, sis. Apologizing when you believe you are wrong is important in being humble. Pride is not the answer to a healthy sibling bond or to cultivate any relationship. I have apologized when I believed I was wrong & even when I believe that I wasn’t. As for me, I have decided that I don’t care to be right or wrong. I care to have a loving, fun, unbreakable bond with my sister, period. I love my sister & if apologizing to her will help show her that then that’s easy. Now don’t get me wrong my sister & I have heated conversations sometimes where we both let the other know how each other feel. Apologizing doesn’t make you soft, but it does show your maturity, not only in your relationship as siblings but also how you handle yourself in other relationships.

Do I communicate effectively?

Sister Kristy: not always for sure! When I am angry, watch out...many things can happen. That is why this topic is something I can relate to. I have learned that my family and I have vastly different ways of communicating. We get farther in a conversation when we consciously use that persons “language “so to speak. It’s like talking to a one year old about sharing. They don’t get it….but they do get or understand a hug or a smile.

If you see that repeating yourself over and over is not working, there is a reason it is not working. Try a different method or style of communicating using illustrations that they can identify with.

Sister Melissa: Sometimes I can approve on my approach or delivery to my sister or anyone for that matter, & sometimes it’s exhausting trying to get your point across. But I push through being uncomfortable. i.e. you come from corporate, he/she come from being an instructor…It’s like you are speaking 2 different languages but that is the beauty of it. We are all different. When I successfully get my point across I feel empowered & it gives me confidence even in the times when I ruffle a little feathers.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I always look at it like this... is it really going to matter 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 years from now. If not, forget about it. It's not that important. If it will then discuss it later when the person is not so emotionally attached and trying to prove their point. It is something about waiting that allows you time to focus on what's really important in the situation and allows opportunities for God to intervene! :-)

MELISSA said...

That's a great perspective...to step back to refocus & let God work it out.